Morbius

100 words or less:

This is not a movie you should pay any amount of money to see, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t see it at all. There are some interesting visuals (as well as some awful ones) and there is a little bit of world building for upcoming movies that I assume will be made because of the ridiculous amount of money that Marvel makes from their movies. Maybe this will be like “The Room” where it eventually gets the “so bad, it becomes good” moniker that movies occasionally get.

Full Review:

Lets address the elephant in the room now. Yes, I have seen the memes about “I had two morbius tickets in my car then someone broke into it and left 4 more”. This isn’t a “great” movie. Hell, it isn’t even really a “good” movie. It is bad. That shouldn’t keep people from watching it though. Don’t pay to watch it, but maybe watch it in the future when it comes to Disney+ or whatever.

Some bad movies eventually gain some traction after their time because people end up accepting them for what they are, bad movies that we can laugh at how seriously they want to be taken. Maybe one day Morbius is going to be that exact thing. A movie you stream on Disney+ with a group of friends just to have a laugh. That day is clearly not today as across the nation, theaters are showing Morbius to groups of 3 people like when I saw it.

Sometimes a movie has a method actor who takes control of the movie and enhances the movie to the extreme and is remembered for their role. Think of Heath Ledger as the Joker, Daniel Day Louis in There Will Be Blood and really every movie he has done. Those movies are made so much better by the performances of those actors. Then you have Jared Leto. Much like his role in Suicide Squad, the method acting is not something that enhances this role. My man Jared just kind of grimaces every once in a while in this one because he is in pain, and to be honest looks like he just wanted a paycheck for this movie.

Now the visuals in this movie are actually pretty cool, but the gratuitous slow motion in the action scenes just feels insulting. It is almost as if the director took the criticisms of most movies, where people complain they can’t follow the action because everything moves too fast, and just was like “what if we just randomly use slow-mo at a random point in the fight in order to make sure you can see this particular punch” It doesn’t work and ends up feeling like an insult to the viewers.

That being said, there are some cool special effects in the movie, like the “echo location” scenes look cool stylistically. It’s too bad that the characters faces when they are talking in vampire form look so dumb. One of the things I have always liked in superhero movies are the special effects. There can be some cool effects that save movies, but they also ruin movies. In when the characters tlak and are half transformed into their vampire form, they just look like they were rushed. The faces don’t move naturally and just kind of strike me as silly. And don’t get me started on Matt Smith’s little getting dressed up dance where he randomly hisses at himself. That was just weird.

Overall, I don’t think this movie is as absolutely horrible as everyone wants people to think (despite me bashing it in this review), but I know it isn’t worth paying to go see. unless you want to, I’m not your boss.

5.5/10 Vampire lab rats.